Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Revolutionary Road

Revolutionary Road is what I have to come to think of as a Bennington book - a book everyone talks about and you feel like an asshole for never having heard of it before or you have read it and love it and you feel robbed of any sort of feeling of ownership you felt you had. Jesus' Son, Civilwarland in Bad Decline, any book by Barry Hannah, etc etc. These are all Bennington books. Revolutionary Road is a book I'm willing to jump on the B'ton bandwagon for. However, second to the Age of Innocence, it is perhaps the worst book to read when you are newly engaged.

Thankfully, as opposed to Frank and April Wheeler, J. and I fully embrace the suburban lifestyle. We'd pick Connecticut over New Jersey of course, but would rather do without both. We fully embrace a New England suburbia, to be more precise. Where kids bike in the streets at night, Red Sox games are on the radio, and there's a Dunkin Donuts always within striking distance.

We are more for a revolutionary wedding. While we were looking for sites, we visited a place called Sebasco Resort in Boothbay Harbor, not too far from Newagen. They have a wedding planner there named Jan. Jan is also their interior decorator - not a fact I would be promoting if I wanted someone to plan their wedding with me. Jan has also been with the resort for some 10-15 years, so she knows how things are done. And let me tell you, she is not going to stray one bit. The one thing J. and I really want is a family style dinner. Everyone passing dishes around the table, getting to know each other, condusive to talking and friendly banter. I'm sorry I don't know your name, but could you please pass the peas? Sure, I'm J.'s cousin by the way. Oh, really? I'm H.'s cousin. What a coincidence. You get the idea. Who knew a family-style dinner made us such revolutionaries? Jan immediately wanted to know: Where had we seen such an idea? Jan made us feel as though we were the dumbest, most insane people to want to do such a thing. She was completely inflexible and we never looked back.

Monday, September 26, 2005

The Pine Tree State




J. and I were engaged in early August - a good 14 months before we wanted to get married. For reasons unexplained, we are both adverse to the summer wedding. October was our ideal month, but wanting to marry in Maine, we worried about the cold. Plus, many of the places we were looking at were seasonal and closed in early October. So we've set the date for September 30, 2006. It makes zero sense, as J. will still be at Columbia and will have to skip classes for the wedding and we are deferring the honeymoon until after we both graduate, J. in Dec '06, me in Jan '07.

So given these 14 months to work with, one would think it would be easy to book a place. I thought we actually had time to work with. From day 1 my mother was emailing links The first place I showed any interest in was perfect - like summer camp without the bunk beds and communal bathrooms. Migis sits on Sebago Lake and is surrounded by acres and acres of forest. So my mother offered to call up and see what dates they had available for 2006. It seemed premature to me; we'd hardly started looking; J. and I had hardly had a chance to even talk about it with each other, but what was the harm? Well, Migis was already booked for ALL of 2006. Not a weekend open. I was outraged, devasted, and suddenly paranoid. We had to find a place right away.

A quick jaunt to Maine, a few mild breakdowns over cost, and we finally decided on
Newagen Inn. The web site sort of sucks, so I included some of the fifty pictures I took while we were there, which happened to be the most perfect weather of the whole the summer. The worst thing about this place is the pronunciation: new wagon. Then why not spell it that way?

We have the 30+ room inn to ourselves for the whole weekend. Some of the highlights: A game lodge which holds two bowling lanes among other things, a bonfire pit (and smores which J., who "doesn't list dessert" could care less about, which I deem highly important), hot tub & swimming pool (though chilly for late September), lawn games already planned for Friday afternoon, including croquet and wiffle ball.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

The Ring Two

J. and I were just discussing Naomi Watts' merits on our walk home from dinner, but this is not about her. Having more thoughts about the old ring. You always hear about guys having trouble getting used to the ring once they're married. No girl ever seems to complain about it. It's been very strange for me. I've never worn rings. Now, as gorgeous as it may be, this thing is stuck on my hand for the rest of my life. My hands swell at night - I get warm while I sleep - and when I wake up the ring is tight. During the day, my hands are always cold; the ring feels loose. It gets turned around. It's hard to put my left hand in pants pocket. What's going to happen this winter when I wear mittens? But I know it will make J. sad if I take it off, even for a little while. Actually, shortly after we were engaged, J. went away for work for a few days. I took the ring off while I slept and when I went running. It felt devious. I told J. about it when he got back, and as expected, he was pretty sad about it. Which is pretty endearing.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

The Ring

No, I will not post a picture of my ring. You will have to use the power of your imagination. It's vintage 1905. I never bothered to learn the names of different cuts of diamonds, what the colors meant, etc etc. Why do girls bother? It's the man's job. Suffice it to say, the diamond is round. There are two smaller oval diamonds to either side, as well as some small sparks of diamonds embedded in the setting. It was the first ring I saw, it was the only ring I truly loved.

Before we started shopping for rings, I thought I could care less. The ring didn't matter to me - size, shape, whatever. I just didn't want anything gaudy or cheesey. Plain and simple all the way. Then I started trying rings on. Diamonds really are an enchanting thing. I was blown away. It's not to say I suddenly wanted something enormous - it's just that suddenly I was very excited at the prospect of wearing a diamond on my finger for the rest of my life and being able to look down at my hand at any time and be blown away all over again. I'm looking at it now. I'm blown away.

That said, I find it sort of crass that when I tell people I'm engaged they immediately look to the hand. I hate holding my hand up for people to see. It feels very awkward. I'm not sure I will ever get used it.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

The Age of Innocence

I discovered Edith Wharton before I was engaged. I wish it had been The Age of Innocence I had read first instead of The House of Mirth. The Age of Innocence is a terrible book to read when you're newly engaged. Don't do it.

The innocence that Wharton writes about is, of course, quite different to what this blog is about. She was referring to the late 19th-century when members of New York society lived on the surface of life, who refused to discuss anything but the most mundane topics. It was not just fear that prevented them from talking about anything serious with one another, actually acknowledging a problem or a feeling, but more so their own rigid norms.

The innocence I'm referring to, is the blessed sweetness of being engaged. ah, love. as soon as there is a ring on a woman's finger the world opens up to a couple as though they were standing at the start of the Yellow Brick Road - when the munchinks are cheering you on and Glinda is tapping your heads with a star-tipped wand, the sun is shining, the road is lined with non-sinister sunflowers, and there is not a hint of flying monkeys.

I know some girls dream of pouffy dresses, tulle and lace and the whole shebang, when they're little. It never really crossed my mind. And I know some women relish their engagement period as the best time of their lives, I think because they possess so much power. They actually enjoy planning the wedding and all the decisions it entails. Then there are other woman, like myself, who find the planning excrutiating. Can't we just be married already?

Before we were engaged, J. and I had this plan to get married on an island in front of a few close family members and friends, something intimate and quiet, but luxurious and beautiful. Then we would come home and throw a huge party, slightly more informal than a regular wedding reception, slightly cheaper, so we could invite everyone we ever wanted to invite and not have to stress over constantly narrowing down an invitation list to fit the constraints of a $100/head wedding site.

1870s it ain't. Sure. I understand that. But try to break from the norm and see what happens. Needless to say, J. and I will be having a traditional wedding - what I've been told is medium-sized at 150 guests (at least that's the goal, the list is currently at 210 without kids). It's still a year away and so far I have only had two major breakdowns, if we are to define a breakdown as tears, tears, tears.