The Age of Innocence
I discovered Edith Wharton before I was engaged. I wish it had been The Age of Innocence I had read first instead of The House of Mirth. The Age of Innocence is a terrible book to read when you're newly engaged. Don't do it.
The innocence that Wharton writes about is, of course, quite different to what this blog is about. She was referring to the late 19th-century when members of New York society lived on the surface of life, who refused to discuss anything but the most mundane topics. It was not just fear that prevented them from talking about anything serious with one another, actually acknowledging a problem or a feeling, but more so their own rigid norms.
The innocence I'm referring to, is the blessed sweetness of being engaged. ah, love. as soon as there is a ring on a woman's finger the world opens up to a couple as though they were standing at the start of the Yellow Brick Road - when the munchinks are cheering you on and Glinda is tapping your heads with a star-tipped wand, the sun is shining, the road is lined with non-sinister sunflowers, and there is not a hint of flying monkeys.
I know some girls dream of pouffy dresses, tulle and lace and the whole shebang, when they're little. It never really crossed my mind. And I know some women relish their engagement period as the best time of their lives, I think because they possess so much power. They actually enjoy planning the wedding and all the decisions it entails. Then there are other woman, like myself, who find the planning excrutiating. Can't we just be married already?
Before we were engaged, J. and I had this plan to get married on an island in front of a few close family members and friends, something intimate and quiet, but luxurious and beautiful. Then we would come home and throw a huge party, slightly more informal than a regular wedding reception, slightly cheaper, so we could invite everyone we ever wanted to invite and not have to stress over constantly narrowing down an invitation list to fit the constraints of a $100/head wedding site.
1870s it ain't. Sure. I understand that. But try to break from the norm and see what happens. Needless to say, J. and I will be having a traditional wedding - what I've been told is medium-sized at 150 guests (at least that's the goal, the list is currently at 210 without kids). It's still a year away and so far I have only had two major breakdowns, if we are to define a breakdown as tears, tears, tears.
The innocence that Wharton writes about is, of course, quite different to what this blog is about. She was referring to the late 19th-century when members of New York society lived on the surface of life, who refused to discuss anything but the most mundane topics. It was not just fear that prevented them from talking about anything serious with one another, actually acknowledging a problem or a feeling, but more so their own rigid norms.
The innocence I'm referring to, is the blessed sweetness of being engaged. ah, love. as soon as there is a ring on a woman's finger the world opens up to a couple as though they were standing at the start of the Yellow Brick Road - when the munchinks are cheering you on and Glinda is tapping your heads with a star-tipped wand, the sun is shining, the road is lined with non-sinister sunflowers, and there is not a hint of flying monkeys.
I know some girls dream of pouffy dresses, tulle and lace and the whole shebang, when they're little. It never really crossed my mind. And I know some women relish their engagement period as the best time of their lives, I think because they possess so much power. They actually enjoy planning the wedding and all the decisions it entails. Then there are other woman, like myself, who find the planning excrutiating. Can't we just be married already?
Before we were engaged, J. and I had this plan to get married on an island in front of a few close family members and friends, something intimate and quiet, but luxurious and beautiful. Then we would come home and throw a huge party, slightly more informal than a regular wedding reception, slightly cheaper, so we could invite everyone we ever wanted to invite and not have to stress over constantly narrowing down an invitation list to fit the constraints of a $100/head wedding site.
1870s it ain't. Sure. I understand that. But try to break from the norm and see what happens. Needless to say, J. and I will be having a traditional wedding - what I've been told is medium-sized at 150 guests (at least that's the goal, the list is currently at 210 without kids). It's still a year away and so far I have only had two major breakdowns, if we are to define a breakdown as tears, tears, tears.
posted by hannah at 10:24 PM
2 Comments:
Bree pointed me to this blog, because she thought I'd enjoy the read. What's scary is that I feel like I could have written this entry! Before we were engaged, we'd planned to run off to some island (or onto a tiny boat!) to get married in front of only family, etc and now I find myself planning this shin-dig for somewhere around 100 people.
I'm not being forced into it. It's all happening on it's own, but it definitely freaks me out at times. I've had one heart-pounding "panic" attack and one bout of tears and I haven't even started planning a damn thing yet!
I'm not the typical bride and the whole wedding industry is refusing to show me what I want... and all I really want now are some freaking ideas!
It's a year away and I think that's what is frustrating me the most. I've got this gigantic checklist in front of me and I can't really tackle any of it right now, because we need to finalize our official date with our law school attending potential best man.
I keep telling myself. It's just a party. that makes it easier.
So many things fall into place once you set the time and date. It was another reason we were so anxious to get it settled. We crossed one place off the list simply because they were adverse to accomodating some of our more original ideas. So make sure you pick a place that's willing to work with you. It sounds like you're like me and don't want a cookie cutter wedding. Good luck with everything.
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